Everybody is Pregnant

And no, I am not. Thank goodness, although hearing about all these people having second and third babies, I can't deny the little twinge of longing. But so not enough to do anything about it for another year and a half or so :)

Lots of things going on. Have to finish my Christmas gifts, we are getting family pictures tomorrow which means ordering cards and sending those out, then there are the bagillion other things to do. Ahhh, to be busy. Plus, as I sit here and look at my bookshelves overflowing, I realize I need another bookcase or I need to stop getting books. Better start looking....

What is with blogger today or is it my computer....it won't let me add an image and I have some lovely ones of my wee little one. Dumb thing.

Birthday Bash!

I love birthdays. I love my birthday. I cannot deny it, it is one day where I love to be spoiled and don't mind being a teeny bit selfish. It is probably because my parents always made my birthday super special or because I hate attention the rest of the year, either way its the best day !!

This year I turned the big 25. Surprisingly it didn't bother me at all. My life is amazing, I have a wonderful family and tons of fun friends. Cameron threw me a surprise party with all of the many people in my life. For once I had no idea what was going on, usually I'm pretty good at figuring stuff out even if I don't want to. When I walked into the room and heard everyone yell surprise I felt so much love. He made it so special with food and table decorations and balloons. Who could ask for more? Then he took my actual birthday day off and spent the day with me and Elliott. Those are the little things that make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Other than that, we are cheerily (well I am) getting ready for Christmas. I am having a blast buying decorations and trying to figure out where to put them--unfortunately I'm quite indecisive. I am looking forward to the Christmas tree...my fav-oh-right part of it all. The smell is intoxicating. It will be Elliott's first Christmas! I am in awe of how fast the little bugger is growing. Only 4 more months until he is one! How could that be?? He's standing up while holding onto something and starting to make sounds that actually sound like something. His hair is growing even if you can't tell...he's just got super blonde hair. At the moment he is going through a clingy stage and doesn't want to be away from me. I love it and get annoyed by it at the same time. Is that normal?

One of those Days

My spurts of blogging are a little bit ridiculous...eventually I will have some sort of regularity. I have several amazing things to blog about, but I just splashed some toilet bowl cleaner in my eye (OUCH) so my motivation for keeping my eyes open is severely lacking. But then again, do I deserve it for having cleaning sprees at 10:30 at night? I mean really, who does that??

Things are going well, I am salivating for some turkey this week. This gal is all about the potatoes and gravy...forget the sweets, bring on the savory. Okay, I have to go to bed and turn off the Food Network.

You have my word that I will post about my fantastic birthday and my cute baby boy who has perfected his whine :)

Stupid Sinuses

I have been thinking of my sweet son and how precious he is to me.

So I wanted to show him in all his new glory when he was firstborn.

I am still in awe of how beautiful he was, is and will be.

I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog (big frown on my face), but someday my kids hopefully will...or at least care :)

This past week I've been sick with an nasty sinus infection, but my lovely husband has taken time off from work to be here to help take care of Elliott while I get better. What a sweet blessing it is to know that I can be with him forever. Oh, I do love him so.

Strangely enough I am watching You've Got Mail right now and loving it. The innocence of it...the bookstore that I'd die to own.

Yes I know, these are very convoluted ramblings, but my head is stuffy, haven't slept well in days and the meds are a little iffy.

Pictures, pictures and pictures

Bath Time!! He loves it now that he uses the big tub. (Don't ask me why its on its side, blogger won't upload it correctly)


Our little stud muffin



Huh?

Gumming some toast....angrily apparently.

Whoa Mama

He often uses the duck head as a substitute plug...creative fellow.

All dressed up for church

So proud of himself

Thumbs up Ma

Just Chillin

My new goal :)

In the name of posterity I have decided to be much better at posting--so perhaps at a later date I can make this into a book to share with them.

Halloween was a bust. It didn't feel like it and Elliott is a tad young to go trick or treating, so instead we decided to go spend a night with Cameron's parents. They always enjoy time with their adorable grandson--but then again, who doesn't? We only intended to stay for dinner and a little after, they had asked us to stay but Cameron really didn't want to miss church so we headed out. About 10 mintues later, we decided family came first and turned around. Suffice it to say, they were pleased to hold Elliott again. So we had an impromptu sleep over. It was relaxing and slow. I loved watching his grandparents interact with him and get joy out of watching his every little move.

Speaking of our monkey man. He has finally decided to sit up...about time ;) He loves it as long as he is in reach of something that he can quickly shove in his mouth...which is just about everything. He's been quite the cranky little dude with teeth coming in---as for his Mama...she just wishes they would come through already..its been like 2 months.

Our next goal is to actually baby proof our house...or at least make sure the floor is void of naughty things to go in his mouth. Ohhhh, so many things to do and so exhausted. I'm still waiting for my sleep apnea machine so I can stop stop breathing during the night. Apparently that makes for a restless night.

As for now...Cameron is loading dishes in the dishwasher and I am posting while watching re-runs of House. We are such an exciting family.

Ups and Downs

I know I previously posted about the post partum depression and somedays it feels like it is all gone and then there are days like today where my heart races and all I want to do is cry from being exhausted. Truth be told, that could just be normal motherhood (is it?)...but I'm always so scared that it means that something more is wrong with me. I am praying, hoping that some friends of ours will be moving near us so that there will be a kind face and someone to talk to during the day while we let our little ones go at it.
Our life is going fairly well, Elliott is sitting and snorting. He has developed a crooked smile that looks so endearing on his face. One of his fat little cheeks gets all crinkled up. Cameron is awesome as always, taking care of all of us as his work life is being switched upside down. Everyday I pray that he will lean on me as much as I lean on him.

In Awe

I would just like to quickly say thank you for the touching comments. It really helps to know people listen. It was hard to write and I was doing it hopefully to help others. Bless all you mothers of all kinds. I've learned its the hardest job---kudos to us :)

Elliott July and August Part 1

LIfe goes on...

I used to be so good at keeping up with journals and whatnot. After college I think I went on a writing strike because I was so tired of it, now that has cursed me. Now I have to force myself to put my thoughts down, which is probably why I am crazier now than I was then. It is all inside of me and keeps me up all hours of the night, which makes being Elliott's mommy a tad bit harder. However, this time there has been a particular reason for my long absence. I'm going to say the dreaded words and hope my pain is of some use to otheres.

Post Partum Depression

4 1/2 months ago I became a statistic. It hit hard, fast, and knocked me flat on my cushy butt. Surprisingly I never expected it and the sheer severity of it had me crawling on my knees to get through each minute.

When Elliott was born I was in this trance. I couldn't comprehend what had just happened. This beautiful new spirit was laying all gooey and wet on my stomach and all I could do was cry and stroke his soft head. My wonderful husband fell in love at first sight, holding that baby so close to his heart not wanting to ever let go. It is only now, after I have gotten through the crisis period that I look back at that moment and feel the overwhelming love for him.

The first week home was a blur. So many appointments for our jaundiced little guy. Not a moment to rest and let it all set in. I began crying and I literally couldn't stop. I'd tell Cameron that I needed to go the bathroom and I'd walk in our room and crawl into bed and bawl and scream. No matter how many times I told my mind that it was going to be okay---the pain and mind numbing anxiety refused to go away. As the days went on it got worse. I began to have panic attacks every couple of minutes. I couldn't look at my precious son without having one. Even now it makes me cry, how I failed him in those moments. But I couldn't help it. I have never felt so alone and so scared in my whole life. With all my heart I believed there was no hope and that it would never get better, that I would feel this awful for the rest of my life. My crowning moment was when my mom came to help take care of Elliott when Cameron had to go back to work. She told me to go take a shower and I slowly got in and then I fell to the ground in the shower and screamed and cried harder than I have ever cried. I begged the Lord to take this from me, I told Him I couldn't do it anymore. My mom came in and asked if I wanted her to hold me. I told her I'd be okay and she went to get Elliott. I kept crying and finally told the Lord it was all in his hands, this was the hardest thing I would have to do and I couldn't do it without him.

Fast forward a bit and I began seeing a therapist who told me I wasn't crazy and that I would be okay. I'm still seeing her and am medicated for anxiety and ppd and hoping that eventually I will be weaned off of both of them. For now, I am so grateful for doctors and family and husbands who stand by your side through it all. There are still some days where I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, but I figure thats just plain motherhood.

My son Elliott is everything to me. Everyday I fall in love with him a little bit more. He is beautiful, stubborn, and extremely vocal and mobile. Even though thinking about those months brings back terrifying thoughts and tears, I would do it all again to have him. I'd suffer over and over again if that is what it took.

Ode to Cameron

I have been MIA for quite some time. Pretty much since I had little Elliott. Cameron updated after the birth and kept everyone informed and so much more...so this post is all for him.

He stayed by my side the whole time I was in labor and is so in love with our son he didn't want to let anyone else hold him after he got him for the first time.

He slept on an awful couch bed thing for two nights and held our son as I healed.

He held me everytime I broke down in tears for the next couple of weeks (and it was A LOT)

He took care of Elliott all day when I was having my panic attacks and couldn't function.

He told me all day that he loved me and that I was a great mom and would get through this.

He helped give me a blessing.

He called the doctors for me and went with me to the therapist.

He now does night duty so that I can get some sleep until I feel more like myself.

He is Cameron.

I love him more than I thought was possible. Our family is so blessed to have him.

Home at last!

We got home this afternoon around 1PM and my it feels so nice after being gone for 2 and a half days. We are back with baby Elliott and he and Lindsey are currently sleeping. Kathy, Tim, Michael and Casey are all here, and Jeff is coming up for Easter Dinner tonight. Its going to be a great Easter, Thank you Lord for Elliott!!

A few pictures as promised

As another day comes to an "end" we managed to get a few pictures up on the blog. Here they are:
These first 2 are from less than an hour old



This one is from today where Elliott is less than 18 hours old

And the baby is born....

Well at 10:2o PM on April 10th Elliott Michael Rounce made his way into this world. He came in weighing 7lbs and 13oz length of 20 inches. We are both very proud parents, and both were tearing up holding little Elliott. Lindsey did fantastic in pushing Elliott out, she took an epidural, and pitosin, which resulted in pushing 8:20PM then shazam 2 hours later Elliott came out, and it was the most amazing miracle i have ever seen. We will post pictures when we get home. I forgot the memory card dealy for the camera.

We are definatly happy parents.

In the Hospital finally

4th time is a charm, we have finally been admitted to the hospital. She is 4cm now and the doctor broke her bag, that was the weirdest sound and for what she says weirdest feeling too. Hopefully at this point its hours until Elliott enters the world. The doctor says he could be 7.5 - 8.5 lbs which brings more to the knowing that it would have been even more not pleasent if he went full term. We are tired and Lindsey's been laboring hard since Tuesday,

Recap of last few days:
Sunday Contractions started
Monday Contractions continued but were 16minutes apart
Tuesday Contractions continued to 5 minutes apart, and went to hospital for the first time at 2AM Wednesday Sent home
Wednesday Contractions still went to hospital sent home but 90% a face was given Ambien so Lindsey who could sleep, she slept 7 hours, he did 10 hours
Thursday Went in at 10:30PM sent home again given morphine at this time to sleep, but Lindsey slept none, I slept 5 hours then we came in at 5AM and finally got admitted.

Now you all know what transpired. Will post more when Elliott is born. Hopefully soon.

A little of this, a little of that

35 weeks....shirts no longer cover the belly. Which is no good as I'm sure no one wants to see the stretch marks I have recently acquired.

He's coming out of where.....?

Our cat was being spaztic---attacking some imaginary foe.



This is one of her favorite sleeping spots..especially when the sun is shining in.

When I take naps on the couch, I often wake up with her tail swinging in my face or stuck to my mouth.

Life is good. Mostly. Sometimes. Every now and then. Well, it sort of depends on the moment and whether my right leg has gone numb or if I've gotten any sleep the night before or not :)

In all seriousness though, we are enjoying where we are right now. As with most people, money is tighter but we are managing and have confidence that we will be taken care of by the Lord. Our first child will be born soon and what words can express that? Every day brings me closer to the moment when I can hold this special little spirit for the first time. Thoughts and images spin in my head. Will he have hair? Whose nose will he have? Who will our Elliott be, what will he do in his life? How can we be the parents that he needs? I love him so much already--will my heart grow even more when I see him?

I am so blessed. My husband is a good man and knowing that he will be the father of our children gives me such peace and comfort. I will never have to worry if he wanted them or not, whether he will provide for them or whether he will be there during the most important moments as well as the small everyday ones. And now, I am more grateful than ever that he can bless them and provide a solid foundation of an honorable priesthood holder for them.

Recent events. I stop work next week---which is good because I'm pretty much a walking zombie at this point. I had a baby shower at work today with some wonderful people who I will miss when I stop. One of my best friends, Beth came to visit me with her two little girls yesterday. She brought me yummy cookies and we had a nice little chat inbetween reading to her 3 year old. I love having her on this side of the mountains and the ability to have her there as one of those people I can speak freely with.

I'm gonna go forage for some food...num...does anybody have a good pasta salad recipe?

Not a Picture Post

You do not want pictures in this post. They would include puffy, watery eyes. Red, runny nose and probably stinky pajamas that I haven't changed out of in a couple days. I'm sick. And pregnant (35 weeks). And in case you haven't experienced both at the same time---it ends up being complete misery.

Because of this, there is a pile of folded laundry still sitting on the living room floor...a pile of recycling by the tv....stacks of dirty dishes in the kitchen and overdue library books in a bag. Also a grocery bag overflowing with used tissues that follows me wherever I go. Now, before you get all riled up about Cameron not doing his part--he has..despite the condition of the house. He spends his time rubbing my head and holding me. Mostly cause I don't want to be alone and it is very useful at times to have a husband who is a cuddler.

I am not sure if this post even makes sense grammatically or any other way---but since I'm too out of it to care--it gets posted anyway :)

Hopefully all of you out there are healthy and thriving---if you could spare a little, send some healthy thoughts my way. Happy St. Patricks day to all---does green snot count as festive?

World's Biggest Slacker---Can I use pregnancy as an excuse??

So....I promised almost a month ago to have a post about our endowments and sealing. Clearly it has not happened. Go figure. Which is pretty sad since it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life so far (I'm assuming the soon to come labor and delivery will be another one).

Luckily we had many friends and family there to support us and share in the joy the gospel brings. My dear friend Cynthia and her family even drove up from Idaho so that the three muskababes could finally all go to the temple together. Beth being the third muskababe. I hadn't seen Cynthia in almost 3 years, so getting to meet her adorable children and her charming chef of a husband was a real treat. We spent lots of time outside of the temple together as well...chatting and generally making our husbands roll their eyes at our youthful escapades and our more mature topics of conversation now that we're all married and starting families. Strangely enough we discussed living underground with tunnels---I'm pretty sure if Cameron, James and Nick can figure out the logistics of building underground, the girls can do the rest. Though we've got to bone up on our midwifery skills, since I think most of us aren't done pushing the kiddos out.

As for the temple. What could a person say to accurately describe the emotions, the Spirit and absolute rightness of the holiest place on Earth? Even for a woman like me who has spent her life in the business of words, whether read or written....cannot find words to do it justice. Suffice it to say that I have never felt more like a loved daughter of God than while I was in His house.

I love the Lord. I love the gospel. And I love a Heavenly Father who provides such a merciful plan that allows the love found on Earth to be carried throughout eternity.

Hunter checking out the cat house.....perhaps he wants to move in?

My big round belly...notice the absence of visible feet :)

Cameron reading to a cuddly Britton---such a cutie:)

YEA! We are sealed before Elliott comes :)

The gorgeous Seattle Temple on a typical cloudy day.

Homemade Banana Bread----makes me feel all cozy

Two yummy loaves baking in my awful oven right now---see how incredibly tiny it is. Please hope with me that they both cook properly in the time alloted.

I haven't quite decided who to give the second loaf too, perhaps I'll run my finger down the Stake Directory and leave it on someone's doorstep :)

Oh yeah!! Coming soon---the reporting of the most amazing weekend ever. What more could anyone ask for?? We had the gospel, the Spirit, good friends and good food!! Soon as I have some time to ramble on and on about it, you'll get the low down :)

Happy Banana Bread day to all.

Pajama Day

I got up this morning fully intending to do a laundry list of things. Guess what I really did...
I stayed in my pj's, rubbed my growing belly, took a nap, and thought about all the things I was gonna do in just a couple minutes.

I love and hate these days. The love I have stems from my years of not being able to relax even if forced. I hate them because afterward I always feel lazy and guilty. Is this just me? Though, right now I should think about switching to some out of house clothes as we are going to our birthing class in about an hour. And not just any birthing class, but our hospital tour. I'm pretty sure they are up for pajama clad mommies when they are in labor...probably not so much when touring. I'm such a nerd because I'm eager to see the rooms and to picture myself holding Elliott for the first time.

Lucky you :)

The first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4- You have no clue what it's going to be.It may be a story. It may be poetry, shoes, bags, or a little invention of my own! I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. Believe me... it may blow your mind!

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!Sounds like fun, right? So, let's play!

4th Picture :)

So this is the 4th Picture....its the profile of Elliott Michael Rounce at 21 weeks. This is before I became his personal gym. I'm now 29 weeks and counting down until I can hold the little bugger.

I just got my diabetes results back from my OB. Luckily they are normal, however once again I am anemic. So, now I get to take iron supplements every day. I'm wondering if this is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. Guess I'll be stocking up on the fiber enriched foodies.

Lastly, the most awesomest thing! Cameron and I just got our temple recommends so we are all set to go for our endowments and sealing next week. I have no words to describe the way I am feeling right now---it has been the dream of my youth and now it is becoming a reality. When I was a teenager I never thought I would marry someone I couldn't go to the temple with right away, but now I know the Lord has back up plans. Cameron is my somebody, my stripling warrior and I'm so blessed that he has opened his heart to the Spirit and the Lord. It could be the newlywedness in me talking---but I appreciate him everyday---even when he is late for dinner ;)